Tuesday, August 14, 2007

My Vent

So up until the past few weeks, I thought I was a great mom. I thought I had discipline down, great balance between things, and was a fun mom. Well, in the past few weeks part of my thinking has changed. I know I am being hard on myself but I feel, or know, I am being put through a trial by God and I don't think I am handling it the way I should be. With in the last few weeks M's behaviors have gotten worse and it is totally making me feel like I am a bad mother because of it. I know that it isn't because of me or anything we are doing but it is because of her being 2 and on top of it having vision problems and sensory processing dysfunction. It just has been a rough couple of weeks and my positive thinking isn't were is should be. Could those of you who pray, please pray for me?

I never knew how hard it really was to be the parent of a special needs child until I myself was in the position. I think the hardest part is unless you deal with a special needs child 24/7 you don't really know what it is like so I feel alone. I am not even sure if Chris completely understands what I go through each and every day. He is such a great support and I appreciate all that he does for me. I must say at the end of the day I am thankful for him coming home because I "need" the break, that also makes me feel bad. What kind of mother says she needs a break from one of her children almost everyday?

The main struggle for me is that Madison can't control her behavior at times and sometimes can't use her words to tell us what she wants. It is just so hard to see her go through this and I feel awful. We have bought her a weighted lap blanket and a weighted vest and those seem to be helping her some. We are also in the process of buying her a bigger blanket for cuddle time and night time, I look forward to getting that because I think she may sleep better and in return he behavior might be better. Wishful thinking, maybe, but it is worth a try!

I know my post is just a stupid vent and that in reality I am the same mom I was before. I also know that I am being selfish as others are going through things much worse but I still feel stressed and needed to get these things off my chest. If you have read this far I thank you and I am sorry for the bore. Please pray that I will go through this trial with joy, as that is God's desire.


Kristen said...

Casey, don't beat yourself up. You are a great mom, and we all know that you are doing the very best that you can. I'll pray that you are able to handle this the best way possible...and with a smile on your face! Let me know if you need anything!

Anonymous said...

I could not imagine how hard it is for you having a child with a disability. I have a hard time with my 3 little girls, so don't think it is just you. You are a great mother and your doing a great job raising those three beautiful little girls. If you ever need to talk I am here for you.